Inner Critic Interview with Radical Rachel (aka Pushy Poppy)
HT: Hi Rachel. What’s up?
RR: Is it time?
HT: Time for what?
RR: My interview. Is it time for my interview?
HT: Yes. Yes it is. It is time for your interview.
RR: OK. Well. If I have to, do I have to?
HT: You mean you don’t want to be interviewed?
RR: No. Not Really.
HT: Why? Why don’t you want to be interviewed?
RR: Well you know everything already. There’s nothing new to tell. I’m pushy, I’m a bully and nobody likes me.
HT: I don’t think that is entirely true, Rachel.
RR: Well isn’t that why you picked that name for me? Rachel? RAY-CHELL? It sounds so hard, so mean. It is a name that you have never liked, it has always sounded hard to your ears and brings back memories from that Grade 8 bully in Elementary School.
HT: You’re right. You are absolutely right. I don’t like that name very much. Do you have a different name you would prefer to be called?
RR: Poppy. I’d like to be called Poppy.
RR: Yes. Pushy Poppy.
HT: Ok. Then that is what I will call you. Thanks for the correction and I’m glad you have chosen your own name and are comfortable with it. Thank you for doing that. So how am I going to refer to you in this interview, is it PP? Or something else?
PP: PP. That’s fine. I know it is that same as that other critic – Polly Procrastinator. But it’s ok ‘cause this is only an interview. You call us by our real names other times.
HT: OK then. Here we go. Where do you want to start?
PP: From the beginning? Probably the best place.
HT: Sounds good to me. Ok Poppy, tell me about the beginning. How did you come to be one of my inner critics? What is it that brought us together?
PP: Well. (Sits back in her chair and gazes off into the distance). It all began when you were very young… like even before kindergarten young. Maybe preschool young, maybe before - it was so long ago that I don’t quite remember.
You were such a small, shy little girl. You were so shy that you needed to hold someone else’s hand, always following someone else wherever you went and in whatever you did. I came into your world when you had no one familiar to follow, so maybe it was preschool and you were maybe 3 years old? Your mom would drop you off and you would be so nervous and lonely that I literally stood behind you and pushed you into the classroom, into play groups and into your life.
You needed me to get you moving in a forward direction, you needed me then and you still need me now. My job is to be the one who pushes you. Pushy Poppy. That’s me. (Crosses her arms and looks at me with a “there I told you so” look.)
HT: So you don’t think that I could move forward on me own?
HT: Why not?
PP: Because you don’t have what it takes. You are weak and self-conscious and always look to others for guidance. You always have and you always will.
HT: Hmmm. You do make a point. I have been like this for most of my life, you are correct. Especially when I move into things that I am unsure of, new experiences, new relationships and most of all areas where I feel I don’t know very much.
But is this true, Poppy, that I really don’t have what it takes to step forward on my own? Are you sure of that?
PP: Dead Sure.
HT: Really? Because I can list a whole bunch of times when I took the initiative and moved forward on my own.
PP: Name them. I dare you.
HT: OK. What about when I left the Health Region? What about when I started my own photography business, and when I started the Ananda Center? What about when I went to massage school and those Reiki classes? What about when I started taking CranioSacral classes?
PP: Yes. Well, some of those you did do on your own, some of them you had guides and friends who had paved the way for you to follow, and all of these examples are recent. Like within the last 7 years recent.
HT: SO! Does it really matter if they are recent? Do they not show a trend of increased self-confidence and self-esteem. Do they not show a re-discovery of self and a love of life, a love of learning and exploration? Do these examples not begin to give you an idea that maybe I have grown and changed and have become stronger in myself?
PP: Yes. I guess they do.
HT: So what does this mean?
PP: What do you mean with “what does this mean”?
HT: I mean, and to be perfectly clear, what does this mean for our relationship? Can you see how I have changed and evolved and how that when I want to do something I reach out and do it in my own way and at my own pace? Can you see that whatever I do is perfect just the way it is and that everything I do is done exactly when and how the Universe has meant for it to be done?
PP: Uhgh. Wow. Enough. I get it already. YES. Yes I can see what you mean. I can see that you have grown and evolved and have come into your own. I am proud of you for this, proud of your accomplishments and for how you are standing more strongly in your own skin. I LOVE that you a coming into your own and feeling and sensing into what is right and what is not. This does not mean though that we are done with each other. You still need me and I still need you. We need each other.
HT: How? How could I possibly need you?
PP: I am the one that helps you make everything as beautiful and perfect as it can be. I am your guiding force as to what looks good, feels good and appears good to others. I am the drive, the push behind everything you create. I am your sense of a good job done well. I am the one who inspires you to move forward with new CranioSacral course and the certification. I am the one that you need to push you past the point of no return for every new adventure that creates the least little bit of anxiety or nervous butterflies in your belly. I am the one. You cannot survive with out me and I cannot survive without you.
HT: So you say, Poppy. So you say. Well, I do appreciate your nudges and those guidelines for excellence you always seem to provide. Sometimes though you push too hard and I become resentful of you.
Like this week for example, I had yet another moment of urge towards negative self-talk about my morning writing. I was almost about to speak negatively to myself, chide myself about having lack of discipline in doing my morning pages. And then someone reminded me that the summer is more active time and the winter is a more reflective time and that it makes sense that I wouldn’t want to sit and write every morning like clockwork. Also, it has never been in my nature to follow a discipline or practice so strictly. My nature is much more relaxed and so believe me please when I say that sometimes you push too hard.
PP: Oh. I didn’t realize. I guess that I have always pushed you this hard and so that is what I am used to. Maybe, would it be ok if I lightened up a little? I don’t want to go away completely, honestly I think you would fall apart if I wasn’t here to drive you forward, but… maybe I could lighten up a little? How would that be?
HT: I think that would be wonderful, Poppy. I would really appreciate it if you would give me a little more freedom to run on my own with things and a little less pressure to produce and to create. I think that if you backed off a little more, that I might actually start producing and creating more than I have been. I think with a little more freedom from your pressure, I will feel more lively and light. I will be more interested in doing whatever it is I that I do than ever before. I truly think this will be so!
PP: I hear the excitement in your voice. OK. You have a deal. I will take a bit of a break and will watch from afar. If I feel you need help then I will be there in a millisecond. Sound good?
HT: Yes. Sounds great. I will hold you to your promise though, the promise of a less involved Poppy and Heather with more freedom.
PP: Yes. You have my promise.
HT: Thank you Poppy.
PP: Thank you Heather. I love you.
HT: I love you too. Say Poppy, what will you do with your extra time now that you will only be hanging out with me part-time?
PP: I’m going to manage a box factory. A box factory that makes cardboard boxes.
HT: Cool. That sounds like that might be fun for you.
PP: Yup. It’ll be great! I’m actually pretty excited about this change! It’ll be good training for when I step into running FedEx or Canada Post. ‘Cause goodness knows, they certainly need someone like me on board!
Love and Light,